


Dancing with Myself

by dollphase



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, First War with Voldemort, M/M, POV Remus Lupin, POV Sirius Black, Post-First War with Voldemort, Slow Dancing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-18 07:01:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29730123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dollphase/pseuds/dollphase
Summary: Dancing with somebody is always better than dancing with yourself
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Kudos: 7





	Dancing with Myself

**Author's Note:**

> more angst because i'm sad :(
> 
> also listen to 'Dancing with Myself' by Generation X or Billy Idol. it's a good song and will improve your life by 10%

**1981**

“C’mon, Sirius”, Remus begged with tired, longing eyes. Sirius looked down at his boyfriend, taking in his purple bruises, thin red cuts, and hollow cheeks. He said he got them on ‘missions’ dangerous ones that he conveniently couldn’t tell Sirius about. He looked terrible, but Sirius knew he didn’t look any better himself. Remus looked at Sirius pleadingly, his bushy brows furrowing adorably as ‘Dancing with Myself’ blared from the record player. Any theories about Remus being the spy as Sirius remembered why he fell for Remus in the first place.

“Alright”, Sirius said and he took Remus’s outstretched hand. “But we won’t be dancing by ourselves”, he continued as Remus hoisted him off the sofa and into the center of their living room.

“Doesn’t matter. I’d rather dance with you than dance with myself”, Remus soothed. He spun Sirius around wickedly, causing the shorter man to yelp as he tripped over Remus’s foot. Once Sirius steadied himself, he wrapped an arm around Remus and guided him ballroom style.

“You were always so posh,” Remus commented, looking Sirius in the eye. Sirius looked at him right back, trying to see straight through him as if he were clear. Maybe if Sirius looked hard enough, he’d be able to see a shred of truth under his amber-rimmed eyes. If Sirius looked-- really looked-- he would be able to see if Remus was the spy or not.

Sirius twirled Remus around like a ballerina, not being able to look him in the eye much longer.

“I’m not that posh, we’re dancing to Generation X”, Sirius supplied. 

Remus grinned toothily. “I guess that sums you up pretty well, half-posh, half-punk”.

Sirius shrugged. He felt his heartache. Either Remus was a bloody good actor or he was innocent. Sirius hated to think it was all an act.

“Just shut up and dance with me”, Sirius urged, not wanting to talk much more. Remus didn’t seem to mind. He smiled and wrapped both arms around Sirius’s waist.

“Alright, let’s dance”.

**1985**

Remus heard the radio station announce the dated Billy Idol single, ‘Dancing with Myself’. It was all the rage in the U.K. at the moment, but Remus remembered a time when it was Generation X and not just Billy Idol. He remembered dancing with Sirius in their muggle flat, stupidly tripping over their feet but grinning obnoxiously. They both looked at eachother with suspicious eyes, both wondering the same thing. Remus had danced with Sirius that night, but now he was dancing with himself.

“Dancing with myself”, Remus started, singing along to the rhythm of the song, even though it hurt. He stood up off Mundugus Fletcher’s couch he was crashing on and closed his eyes, pretending he was twenty-one again.

“If I had the chance I’d ask the world to dance, and I’d be dancing with myself”, he croaked, feeling his throat get tight. He swayed around the room with his eyes shut. “When there’s nothing to prove and there’s nothing to lose, well I’m dancing with myself”

He twirled around and his calved hit the sharp edges of Mundguns’ coffee table, but he didn’t open his eyes as he winced. He just continued on dancing, losing himself in the music and pretending that it was 1981 again. 

“If I looked all over the world and there's every type of girl but your empty eyes seem to pass me by leave me dancing with myself”. He remembered the way Sirius looked straight through him with empty eyes, trying to study him. Maybe he was trying to see if Remus knew that he knew. 

Did Sirius love Remus? Did he ever? Or did he fall out of love? If so when did Sirius stop loving him? Did Sirius stop loving Remus the second he left their side? When did Sirius switch sides? Was he ever on their side? 

Remus opened his eyes. He was standing in the middle of Mundungus Fletcher’s doggy flat filled with dirty cigarette buds and butterbeer bottles. He was jobless, homeless, and friendless. Sure he had acquaintances like Dung, but they weren’t _real_ friends. They weren’t like James, Peter, Lily, and-- no, don’t think about him. 

“And I’m dancing with myself”, he said and he was. He _was_ dancing with himself. He was alone.


End file.
